Vishal- The weakest link in the chain
I looked at everything as cause of my unhappiness except alcohol, heroin, cocaine, weed, crack, ecstasy, magic mushrooms and ciggrates.
When I turned 13 years old life suddenly became very difficult for me. Feelings began to emerged that I did not understand restlessness, irritation, sadness and discontentment crept into my life and I felt alone. In just life did not make any sense to me at all. I needed to prove to the world, to my family, to my peers that I am good enough, worthy enough and part of this world. My friends had a great ambition of few many an engineer I followed them blindly and started to work hard to crack IIT entrance which I was supposed to give when I would be 18. I belonged getting into a reputed engineering college would add meaning to my life. By God’s grace and sheer dedication I entered into a very good engineer College in India.
But only god knew why I was left disenchanted when I entered the college. Because the loneliness in me rather than disappearing it become a crept. I did not know what to do. To my rescue some boys from north-east were smoking weed and drinking codeine cough syrup. They offered me and I immediately grab it without even enquiring what it, what effect it has. As if something in me was so thirsty and it needed it. The minute I had their substances in me. All my is obtain (which I used to feel acute when I saw other people laughing, smiling and playing).
Misery all disappeared immediately. I looked around me. I felt one with the world. I had a euphoric experience which I can’t put in the worlds.
Since then, to chase that first experience, I had travelled countries, tried everything, get hooked on then everything, get hooked on anything and everything. But that’s just experience never repeated again.
I persisted 14 long years under the illusion that the high would repeat itself.
But Naah………………!! Instead I was being pushed in to abyss of loneliness and frustration.
Till the time I got my treatment here at hermitage on 2009 and began to follow the recovery program here in the hermitage. With extreme dedicated and persistence I used to chase drugs and alcohol.
With gods grace shearing on me and with the fellow ship and gooce sponsorship, I am beginning to have such greater experience in my life, that the worst days in recovery are far better than the best highs I had in addiction.